Never Forget

Batman Video Game Fails To Suck

I know, I was shocked, too.

Video games are like comic books in many ways but particularly in the way that every game is a mega important game that should not be missed by anybody, promising to change video games forever. It's this kind of hype that leaves retailers and consumers unable to distinguish between the actual important games (Resident Evil 4) and the bunk (Star Wars Galaxies) just as it does in comics (Sure, Brubaker's Cap #25 sounds important in the solicitation text but so did that Outsiders comic with the America's Most Wanted guy). Sometimes you just have to use common sense. For example, no matter how important a comic tries to sound if it's taking place four issues before a major turnover (say issue #200) then it's not; it's just an elaborate prequel to what the companies are doing in #200. If Rob Leifeld or Jim Shooter launch a new company it will be dead in about a year. There are rules like these when it comes to video games, too:

1. Movie games are generally shit,
2. Peter Molyneux is at best a little overambitious, at worst full of shit, so take all announcements and predictions of his with a grain of salt,
3. Games based on DC Comics are almost uniformly terrible.

This is by no means a complete list of course. Don't take that third one lightly, either. Superman 64 and Aquaman for the Gamecube count among the worst games of all time and humanity's darkest crimes. Justice League Task Force was one of the clunkiest and stupidest fighters this side of Shaq Fu and Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe managed to be stiff, boring and an obviously bad idea all in one even as press for the game lauded its story "written by the Batman writers themselves!" There's the odd fun diversion and all in all the old Superman arcade game where you teamed up with Red Superman was pretty fun but, as a rule, DC games are totally terrible and that's not changing any time soon. MKvsDC was just earlier this year after all.

Yet as terrible as all the Superman games have been, for example, somehow the continuing failure of Batman video games has been the most personally disappointing. Fighting jumpsuit-wearing idiots and fat clowns on the NES was no more satisfying than playing in abject darkness on the XBox. And here's a tip: if I'm having to stretch three pairs of handcuffs between eight guys then fuck you video game.

So I had never played a Batman game that was actually fun until last year. Lego Batman had a lot of fun puzzles but it felt like a more-awesome-than-usual Lego game more than a batman game. Would there ever be a game where my torso wasn't a plastic box, where I could actually feel like I was playing a Batman game in the same way I watch a Batman movie or read a Batman comic?

Turns out I need only have waited a little longer.

Arkham Asylum has the qualities of a lot of different games, all of which are usually numbered among the best games of the last several years: Resident Evil 4, BioShock, God of War, Eternal Darkness, and stealth gameplay as reminiscent of Sam Fisher as it is of Sly Cooper.

The story itself revolves around a captive Arkham Island being overrun by the Joker's henchmen and the other Arkham inmates. You run afoul of a fair number of classic Batman baddies but not so much that they couldn't have an A-list roster for the inevitable sequel as well (Batman: Gotham City?). The story also concerns a form of super-Venom, an altered form of the drug Bane uses. Which brings me to a paradox of the game...even though the game is constantly throwing new experiences at you you do spend a lot of time repeating yourself. The Bane encounter is repeated several times throughout the game with various forms of baddie so don't get tired of it too quickly (you will).

On the other hand you get to hang a lot of punks from gargoyles, by far my favorite thing to do in a game which kept one-upping my previous favorite thing. Speaking of which, the game doesn't have as many traditional boss fights as much as boss encounters, each of them tense but essentially just another mission. The Killer Croc encounter, for example, is one of my favorites, forcing Batman to creep through the sewers in the hopes of evading Croc rather than beating him up. Harley lures you into traps staffed with a couple dozen thugs and some other form of peril or other. Far and away, however, are the Scarecrow segments which take on a life of their own and even begin to transcend the rest of the game. In this respect the game is wise to break them up; they feel more special than if you had an entire "level" of it.

Speaking of which the game eschews levels for missions/encounters, using a Half Life 2 autosave that was just perfect and eliminating load times altogether, a crucial point for a game like this. As vital is an elaborate series of gadgets and an awesome combat system, which the game has. The combat may not be terribly deep but it's portrayed with the right sense of bone-shattering gravitas.

I could honestly rave about every single aspect of the game....well, ALMOST. While I'm willing to overlook a lot of development choices for the sake of how awesome this game is, there are three things that stick in my craw:

1. They made Harley Quinn look like a gothic lolita nurse hooker on Halloween, which is like dressing Spider-Man in a brown corduroy leotard.
2. While the auto-save worked great I longed for a manual quick-save so that if I'm mid-encounter I don't have to begin again.
3. By the end of the game the Joker looks exactly like Pitt.



That aside the characters (in terms of writing and voice acting) are dead on and it's a fun as hell game I'm looking forward to dominating a second time. In time the 360 will be going for around 100 bucks or less much as last-gen systems are now and when that day comes you owe it to yourself to get a copy and find this game if you don't have both already. It doesn't matter if you're a gamer or not. It's just a fact that no Batman fan should be without this.

I am so, so sorry

Usagi Yojimbo Video Game

Did everybody else know this existed already?

Usagi Yojimbo is doubly awesome. Apparently there was a Commodore 64 game where Miyamoto rumbled around offering alms and stabbing dudes. Seriously check the hell out of this Flash "recreation" of the original by the Absolutist, or follow this link to learn more and get an emulator version.


EDIT: Yeah, I wasn't able to embed it. Follow the linkage, though.

On the Disney/Marvel Deal

You'll excuse me if a few of these talking points have been brought up elsewhere but I have been busy today so let's pretend that I worry about competing with the planetary groupthink and press on, to save time and all....

ITEM: Disney's lawsuit against Marvel over Howard the Duck could mean that if we ever see the character again he may be virtually unrecognizable. You may recall Steve Gerber sent a hearty fuck off to Disney by having his revival of his creation turned into a bitter, acerbic mouse.

ITEM: What nobody has mentioned (so far as I can tell) is that Marvel has printed Disney comics before. Add to this the fact of Marvel's animated offerings having a home mostly on the Disney Channels and Disney's own experience with publishing comics as part of Disney Adventures and it could be an exciting and interesting time. This could be the foundation of America's own Shonen Jump.

ITEM: Disney could sell a Clarabelle the Cow Cow-Pie Bakery kit and get it into every store in the country, not to mention the fact that Disney has its OWN stores in malls all across the country. What will this mean for the current comic book distribution monopoly? SUB-ITEM: Instead of the frankly sad "comic book store" at Marvel's Universal Island of Adventure, could Disney install an awesome comic shop in their own Downtown Disney shopping center in Orlando?

ITEM: Something else people haven't talked about as much is the possibility of Disney developing some of Marvel's properties for television or film. Sure, a Punisher movie wouldn't get the green light but what about a Devil Dinosaur movie? Or perhaps a Pet Avengers TV show? Or, sorry Joe Q, Speedball? Disney made the fucking Gummi Bears show work, don't tell me they couldn't pull off Speedball.

ITEM: The biggest winner in all of this is going to be Peter Porker: The Spectacular Spider-Ham. I am not even a little bit joking.

Does Whatever A Spider-Pig Does

ITEM: No I didn't make that image myself.

ITEM: There's a meme going around right now where people are combining properties to disparage the deal, e.g. "Hannah Montana, Fancy Dan and the Ox" or "Iron Chip and Power Dale: Rangers For Hire." I would just like to point out one thing: Jack Kirby's Fantasia. Oh, one more: Steve Ditko's The Nightmare Before Christmas.

ITEM: Disney already owns, in addition to its own wealth of properties, all of the old CrossGen properties. Marvel, for that matter, owns Malibu. So Disney owns Prime and Marvel technically has access to all of the old CrossGen content, which does include a couple of good things. This could make things very interesting in itself.

ITEM: What does this mean for the Kingdom Hearts series? Do Goofy and Sora now have to do battle with Xenmu the Titan? SUB-ITEM: Does this mean we'll have to deal with Wolverine/Sora erotica?

ITEM: With vampires a sure bank and Disney quickly running out of public domain properties to film perhaps faithful adaptations of Tomb of Dracula could be something we might see?

ITEM: Marvel has run into corporate sabotage of creative and editorial endeavors in the recent past, such as the spectacular clusterfuck of the Epic imprint, and currently does publish some comics Disney would have no rights to. What will this mean for the future? Will Disney just try to rake in licensing fees as much as possible and leave the comics to the professionals or will they issue any edicts regarding behavior, content, or ownership? This is really the one that has everybody scratching their heads right now but I don't predict a major shakeup....that is, until Marvel's sales slip.

ITEM: Speaking of slipping, some analysts are saying Disney overpaid by far for Marvel but remember just how much stuff Marvel encompasses. Don't think of it as one company or one universe but think of all the individual properties. Disney could make that four billion back on the strength of Spider-Man alone. They also need to keep in mind that this acquisition is enormous so it's going to carry a hefty tag. Not only is it a titanic deal in an era of a devalued dollar (which some are saying shows a strength within the economy) but this is the #1 brand in the world buying the #5. If I knew anything about what I was talking about I'd compare it to the AOL/Time-Warner merger. That's just it, really. This is so big there's a short list of shit to even compare it to. It would be like Coca-Cola buying NBC.

ITEM: Remember how NASCAR Heroes got nominated for a Harvey? Well, Disney owns ESPN. Keep an eye out for some hot young comics talent making sports comics (yes, just like in Japan).

ITEM: Analysts have long considered Marvel's Runaways an excellent candidate for its own movie or TV deal. With this deal this becomes a certainty. A book like Runaways that cuts across all demos, including 12-30 year old males, Disney's most-sought audience, with a large established fan base and a lot of critical acclaim? Not to mention creator Vaughn getting more and more power in Hollywood? Bank on it. I guarantee it. This is what Disney is about.

ITEM: Everybody has been quick to lament for BOOM! Studios. Few things here. One, I'm certain their contract runs for at least several more years so the excellent books they're producing will still be coming for quite a while. Two, if Disney bought their contract out BOOM! might actually come out ahead. Three, Disney still has a boatload of properties that Marvel can publish while BOOM! handles its Pixar and Jim Henson properties (meaning the ones Disney doesn't get every penny from, unlike Mickey Mouse or Gargoyles).

ITEM: Dear everybody involved; please make some Filmore! comics.

ITEM: With Disney's core animated properties all up for grabs and all of their reprints without a home we could be looking at a possible Essential Uncle Scrooge.

ITEM: Going along with that idea, Marvel just signed a deal for iPhone distribution which means that you could, two years from now, be reading Carl Barks on your phone.

ITEM: Just like Disney is hoping that Marvel will snag them some boys hopefully Disney will help Marvel get its act together when it comes to its female leads. Ms. Marvel seems all but incompetent month to month and....shit, who else has their own title right now?

ITEM: FIVE billion dollars says the second the BOOM! contract expires the Fantastic Four meet the Incredibles, which will set up a Superman/Captain Marvel dynamic.

ITEM: If there's anybody with enough money and clout to untangle the mess surrounding Marvelman by force it's Disney, but considering the content of those comics would they even want to?

ITEM: Does the Hulk live next to Roger Rabbit in Toontown now? "P-p-p-leeeease don't get angry!"

ITEM: Disney is still after ElfQuest, last I heard. Perhaps someday Marvel may publish ElfQuest again?

ITEM: Right now is the time for snap reactions. That's fine; this is huge news, after all. But the bottom line is that all we have now is an announcement. This is still verrrry much developing. The buyout doesn't even go through until the end of the fiscal year. What is important right now is for people to step back and maintain perspective. Disney is being boycotted by Southern Baptists precisely because they allow homosexual pride days; Northstar isn't going to be forcibly closeted. Disney owns Touchstone Pictures and ABC, creative outlets that have their share of violence, profanity and sexualization in their programming. Pretty much every Disney movie ends or begins with someone dying a horrible death so Deadpool isn't going to be shooting people with rubber suction darts now. Everything is fine. This will change things...

Actually, it's very likely this might change everything. But that is all in the future. What we need to do now is remain calm and not run out and cancel all our Marvel titles like every third commenter seems to be doing. More news will come. Until it does, alarmism is not the correct response.

While I'm at it, alarmism is never the correct response, The Internet. Remember that.

ITEM: Stan Lee's mustache vs. Walt Disney's mustache, WHO YA GOT???

The Alabama Initiative

It has to be said: the Fifty State Initiative has failed. No disrespect to Dan Slott and Christos Gage, who have done a fine job with the book. It's just that, like so many concepts spinning from Civil War and its aftermath, it kind of blows as an idea. It makes sense to say, sure, every state needs a superhero team. It makes sense until you think about it. After all, with all the teleporting and magic people around (not to mention airships that can make intercontinental trips in seemingly no time) the Avengers or Defenders can go where the action is pretty much immediately. There are already established SHIELD outposts across the country for other major disasters, we know there are other superheroes acting independently throughout America...If you could have Iron Man get to Arkansas in about half an hour what the hell does it matter if Sunturion is already living in Little Rock?

Moreover, the only justification for the Fifty-State Initiative has been superhero homeland security which is pretty majorly bogus. The Initiative's major role during Secret Invasion was to provide the Skrulls with the most efficient way of infiltrating positions of power across the country. Kentucky's superteam was three guys and even one of them was a Skrull. In Kentucky. I'm sure Kentucky really appreciated that, especially considering the Skrull imposter was masquerading as Frog-Man. Even if that was the real, law-abiding, crusading good-guy Frog-Man, if I was a Kentuckian I'd be pissed. "You gave us Frog-Man? What, was Gilgamesh busy?"

Not to mention that, two years out, most of these teams have either been barely glimpsed or not mentioned at all, with fully half the states being given no super-representation. Think about that. The concept really doesn't make sense from any logical or tactical standpoint, any more than Walla Walla, Washington needs the same level of police presence as Washington, D.C.. The only reason to do this would be because you had ideas for awesome stories to tell with a wealth of new superteams and new superhero characters...because you wanted a way to give a new perspective to some major facets of the superteam or superhero concepts themselves. Instead the teams in existence are mostly non-existent, for all practical considerations; or, rather, they bear as much importance as characters used to color the Astro City stories, with their off-handed mentions of this hero or that villain or this battle or that town. Some of these Initiative groups have even been disbanded, suspended, or basically found themselves incapable of continuing operations in any meaningful respect.

Slott and Gage's central story arc has been solid, though. I don't mind that this is all used for color. I did like the Hellcat mini. I'm just saying: Iron Man, for all his genius, should have realized this idea was something of a dog. It's such a dog, actually, that I think they can push it further. Like, what is the one state in the union that people want to go to the least? Maybe it has a stigma about it. But what if, also, it was the state with the lowest incidence of super-people activity in the nation? Don't you think a lot of people conscripted by the Registration Act would take advantage of this? If you could get a hefty government paycheck and the celebrity of being a professional superhero without having to do jack shit as far as fighting Dragon Man goes? Not to mention the fact that you can be reasonably sure no REAL Avengers are ever going to show up to upstage you or boss you around? It would be an unending paid vacation. I humbly submit to you, dear reader...

The Alabama Initiative:

I'd set their headquarters up in Mobile to make it more convenient to help out the Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Georgia, and Florida teams (and help justify the team name in the process). Moreover, as is evident, I'd staff the team with also-rans, has-beens and never-wases because A) those are about the only characters (even bit characters) who haven't been either updated or sacrificed these days and B) not only are they available but some of them haven't done shit to speak of in decades.

Abraham Brown- Son of the Tiger. We haven't seen much of Abe in, oh, a long time now, I think. White Tiger has his medallion now but he can still kick ass and, like Taskmaster, may be brought in to help train recruits, joining up with the Initiative for a combination of financial and altruistic reasons even if he disagrees with their ideologies and methodologies. Because he proves himself to be so trustworthy he is put in charge of a field team. He's the perfect leader for the group because A) he doesn't have a wealth of experience and B) he doesn't necessarily want to lead a squad of superheroes. This makes for some good conflict on those rare occasions he actually has to do his jobs as a "superhero" since, powers wise and experience wise, he would be in over his head. For every other time, this is the perfect assignment for him. He just kicks back, collects his checks, sends them back to Lin Sun to keep their school open and opens his own little dojo on the side. Not to mention that I think you need an African American leader for this team. A team with no African Americans wouldn't go over well in the area and if there was just a token member paying his respects to a white leader that could be even worse. A lot of Marvel's other African American characters have fallen prey to a convoluted backstory, character dead-ends and so on (or else have been used in some capacity recently that makes their availability for this group unlikely or unbelievable). Abe Brown is a relatively clean slate in that regard and pretty cool in his own right. A diamond in the rough, really.

Blonde Phantom. I love Blonde Phantom. It's such a simple look but it works, and the character is an important part of Marvel's history. That said, she's no powerhouse. She is well known but it's not like Marvel's going to send her to Chicago or anything. If anything she's the celebrity of the group- she can handle a gun and use her fists and she's not too shabby a sleuth but her major contribution would be P.R.; essentially saying, "the Gulf Coast Avengers: Eat It, Frog-Man." She would be someone who only begrudgingly signed the registration act since she's more of a masked vigilante than a superhero and one who doesn't even operate that extensively. She's here making the most of this situation but mostly makes use of the government-appointed Quinjet to do some traveling. When stateside she putters around her re-established detective agency, which is run out of a room above Abe's new dojo, and works on her tan. (I really like the idea of these people who basically have a 24/7, 365 days a week job out of being a superhero still having time to have a whole second full-time job because ain't shit goin' on, yo). Not to mention that between the recent 70th Anniversary Special and Marvel Adventures Super Heroes #14, Blonde Phantom's star is higher than...hell, ever? At least since her guest spots in She Hulk.

Ariel. This isn't just an alias for Kitty Pryde. This is also the name of an alien from a planet named Coconut Grove which is a tropic paradise, a planet of Hawaii's beaches essentially, which the travels to and from with her ability to open cosmic closets using any existing door that open into this celestial vacation destination. She's like a one-woman Narnia, she appears to be available, and she hasn't been fucked up or even used in years. On a normal superteam like, say, Teen Titans, characters like Starfire give you a wealth of different story potential just by virtue of their alien heritage. Ariel could conceivably bring that but her power is basically the ability to run away and/or relax so she does fit in with this bunch. Living on the Gulf Coast, though, this power could be extremely handy when it comes to actually doing superheroing and helping people escape and recover from hurricanes and tornadoes. Her perspective on events (and on their location) would be interesting to see and it would be cool to see if, like Kitty Pryde who shares her name, she could come up with some sort of offensive use for her powers.

Madcap. Madcap is more of a gadfly-bordering-on-supervillain for the regular Marvel Universe. It seems something of a crime that, of all the fun, insane Marvel characters running around like Madcap and the Impossible Man, it was Slapstick who got a big revival out of the Initiative. Not that I didn't like Slapstick at the time but still...Madcap is of course the virtually invulnerable guy with the entire collector's set of psychoses who debuted in Captain America with the power to recover from any injury and drive other people temporarily insane at will. In the past he has just shown up to gum up the works, as either a minor nuisance antagonist or somebody to make an already bad situation worse. I'm pretty sure the last time he was used was an excellent Heroes for Hire arc back around the Heroes Reborn period where he was used alongside Sandman and Paladin and actually led to a confrontation between Madcap and Deadpool, which was pretty cute. Why would he hang out with this group on a semi-regular basis? Mardi Gras. Mobile's Mardi Gras predates New Orleans and they have not only a healthy Mardi Gras tradition down there but a museum as well, which I figure he can hang out at most of the time. Ariel can always pick him up if he's needed.

Silverclaw. Let's face it, even many Avengers fans ignore Silverclaw. Personally, I like the ideas around her a lot. Even if she might not have done as much during Busiek's Avengers compared to, say, Carol Danvers or what have you. She would add some good strength to the group but her powers make her a versatile team member. Is she still in college? Is there a college in Mobile? More to the point, though, as a South American native Silverclaw could help represent a side of the illegal immigration debate. She was a legal immigrant, of course, but my point is perhaps the government has pledged her basically a never-expiring visa on condition of her voluntary participation in the Initiative? Also, as the daughter of a now deceased goddess could she be filling the role of living goddess for her people? A base right on the Gulf could allow her convenient travel back and forth, so I could see her going for that.

Naturally, since the whole premise is based around superheroes not doing anything they would be faced with something way above their power or experience level. The racist Sons of the Serpent seem an obvious choice but they in themselves aren't enough of a threat. There needs to be something they can't beat in a million years. Someone like, oh...



Or not. I'm just pissing around here. Still....I'd buy it....

Health Care Crisis on Infinite Earths

If you're the kind of individual who thinks only Fox News/MSNBC has the truth, and therefore avoid other television, print, or online news that disagrees with their assessments...Well, first off you're wrong. But that's neither here nor there.

But I hope you at least have managed to pick up some important notes on the subject from the comics press of late, assuming you still read comics news despite any rampant conservative/liberal agendas evidenced in their opinion on the new Batman cartoon. For example, if you don't read Steven Grant's column already you should. Likewise for Mightygodking.com. But I'm talking about more than just commentary on what plans there may or may not be. I'm talking about the news about the relief effort benefiting John Ostrander. I'm talking about Steve Perry. Beyond that I'm talking about people like Dave Cockrum, Jerry Siegel and Joel Schuster, people whose vulnerability to changing market tastes and editorial edicts left them fending off their death with little to nothing to their names, comics companies being basically shamed into helping some of their most important contributors.

One of the many common assumptions people make about those without private health care is that they're too lazy to afford it or too stupid to get it. That's not the case with these people. The entertainment community is especially susceptible to their industry basically turning its back on them. Even the finest actor or author fall out of fashion, after all. But in comics a lot of the previous generations of talent had nothing to fall back on to begin with. Residuals and percentages for merchandise and multimedia rights and such weren't always even available to comics pros and even today their share of the fruits of their work is usually minimal.

So, yeah, a lot of this ties right back to creators' rights...but more importantly it's a question of human rights, isn't it? I'm not saying that any of the proposed reform plans would work (in fact I'm pretty sure they wouldn't) but there's an attitude that even suggesting a need for health care reform is foolish, unpatriotic, even downright malicious! That's insanity, surely. Places like the Hero Initiative shouldn't be the only recourse some creators and their families have when someone breaks their arm or has an incurable disease.

RiffTrax Live: The Aftermath

If you're a right-thinking 'net-savvy individual then you spent last Thursday night at one of some 400+ theaters last night watching the grand experiment of RiffTrax Live! If you have no idea what I'm talking about then shame on you. If work or other obligations prevented you for going let me say that it was a smashing success as far as I'm concerned. Everything I've seen online seems to mirror my experience, more or less: the theater wasn't sold out but it was full, like the crowd for a Friday night premier. The crowd was responsive and eager and the theater staff made sure the whole thing went off without a hitch even though my location suffered some pretty effing severe weather. This was something of a test run and I'm eager to see them do this again, eager to see what they come up with next time.

I'm baffled to see that some people who went to the show didn't care for Jonathan Coulton. It seems to me that anybody who watches a show where they break into 50's bobbysoxer bop about werewolf boyfriends or touching arias about killing your sidekick should be right in the bag for Coulton. I will say that part of the dissatisfaction comes from his use as, essentially, intermission when people were really just ready to watch Plan 9. He was awesome but also a little stiffer than usual, probably because he's playing to his usual live audience multiplied 400 times over. I think that combination may have put some people off but do not give up on Jonathan Coulton. He's great live and his shit is the bomb.

Not da bomb, the bomb.

Introducing HANDHELD COMICS! (Hey, wait a minute...)

So it's a big day for comics in the "new media," with an advance demo of Longbox, Marvel hitting the PSP, and TokyoPop completing some previously abandoned series one chapter at a time, for free, online. Oh, and just in case you missed it last week Dark Horse Presents returned to MySpace, making it just about the biggest MySpace venture from the major comic book company arcana to still be kicking around.

Two things about this: first, this should not be news. This is where comics should have been back in 2001, coming up with good mobile and online distribution solutions for new and existing comics material. I've made no bones about my feelings that, for all the talk of comics being more accepted than ever, "comics" are no more accessible or attainable or penetrable to much of the buying public who might, might casually be interested in reading this comic or that comic but not necessarily interested in ordering a $20 book off of Amazon just to try it and see if they like it.

However, I have nothing particularly pissy to say about this news. I mean other than hating the PSP but that just means I'm not the target audience for this shit. Others have picked all the nits before me and, really, all of this is an inarguable good for comics all around. Mega kudos to all involved in all projects.

mc chris's follow-up to FETT'S VETTE!

If you haven't heard Dengar's Dumptruck then you can head over to mc chris' MySpace Music page and take a listen. If you haven't heard Fett's Vette before, check it out while you're there.